The Story Behind You

Sometime in May I was browsing for journals at my indie bookstore (in recent years I’ve learned to overcome my reluctance of writing in journals) and discovered a gem called 50 Things About My Mother.

I purchased two copies, smiling as I imagined how my children, ages 11 and 16, would answer prompts like “My favorite childhood memory of us together” and “The best gift you ever gave me.” These time-stamped treasures were all I wanted for Mother’s Day.

Their responses were as illuminating, sweet, and funny as they are. Gabriel’s answer to “My favorite fun fact about you” was “you are not like most mothers” (“In a good way, right?” I asked in amusement, to which he hastily agreed). Abigail’s responses to “Things I know you can’t live without” included breakfast, Barnes & Noble, and us. (She’s right).

And then, toward the end of Gabe’s book, I read aloud his answer to “Things I’ve learned from you along the way.” Momentarily speechless, I glanced at my daughter, who looked back with matching surprise. Here is what he wrote:

“Wow, Gabe,” I said. “That’s beautiful.”

“It’s poetic,” Abbey agreed.

And it’s true. You have a story behind you, something I’ve taught my kids—who both like to write—but have never worded quite so eloquently.

You have a story behind you, and that doesn’t mean you’re bound to its narrative and can’t create something new; it simply means you have everything you need to get started. In an interview with YA Review Net, Jacqueline Woodson, who writes both fiction and memoir, states it another way: “My writing always starts from a place of memory.”

Mine too. My latest novel is about a woman who revisits her childhood home and becomes lost in her memories. It’s a ghost story, a story of a haunted house and the trappings of nostalgia. I believe in ghosts, and haunted houses, but I’ve never really encountered them; the writing is fiction. Yet it starts from memory—memories of a beloved brother, of a childhood home, of early motherhood and its suffocating fears.

It’s a collection of moments I’ve left behind. Together, they fused with my imagination and created their own story, something entirely new and exciting but rooted in memory, my memories, something only I could create.

You have those moments too—moments scattered throughout your past that burned bright enough to make a lasting impression and are waiting to be rediscovered, and maybe reimagined. You have a story behind you, one I’d love to hear. So, write.

Read My New Story “From Autumn to June”

This week YA Review Network published my short story “From Autumn to June.” I wrote this piece last spring and was thrilled when YARN sent an acceptance letter over the summer. Having worked with them previously on my story “We Never Get to Talk Anymore” and again on a piece that will be published in October, I knew my work was in good hands.

“From Autumn to June” was one of those rare stories that almost seemed to write itself. It’s as if it were there all along, just waiting to be discovered. When that happens it feels like magic, and it’s the best part of being a writer.

Another great thing about being a writer is getting to see the world through different points of view. This particular story explores a very sensitive subject from a perspective not often considered or given a voice. While researching, I was surprised to discover how prevalent this issue is—I found several support groups on various platforms dedicated to those struggling with it.

At first I wasn’t sure how to approach the narrative. Remembering how much I loved reading Barbara Kingsolver’s letters to her mother and daughter in Small Wonder, I thought I’d try the same. The style, called epistolary, has an eloquent way of capturing intimacy. I love how it turned out, and I hope you do too.

Read “From Autumn to June” here.

On First Publications

Photo by Lance Grandahl on Unsplash

A writer’s first publication is something special. I remember mine—a newspaper article I wrote when I was fifteen. My friend Bethany wanted to be a photographer and I had lofty aspirations to become a music journalist. Some of our friends were in a heavy metal band and had an upcoming gig, so I wrote a sprawling profile and Bethany arranged a photo shoot of the band members perched on a block wall at sunrise.

I gathered our materials in a manila envelope, waltzed into the offices of the Merced Sun-Star, and told the receptionist I would like to see the editor, please. With a straight face, she told me he was busy at the moment, but she’d be happy to take my envelope. Reluctantly I handed it over, reiterating my preference of delivering it personally, as the material was time-sensitive. The receptionist assured me it would be forwarded promptly and—who knows?–maybe they could use it for the Sunday edition. She smiled politely, and I walked away feeling dejected.

That weekend we went out of town to visit family, but when we returned I skimmed through the Sunday edition, just in case. When I saw my byline above a (ruthlessly edited) version of my article, my jaw dropped open. I ran through the house, shrieking that the NEWSPAPER published my story! The NEWSPAPER! I saw clearly my future as a celebrated music journalist, perhaps writing for Hit Parader or Metal Edge (spoiler alert: neither magazine survived the digital age, and mainstream metal did not survive the 90s). The moment is etched forever in my mind as my first real writing triumph.

Last month, my daughter had her own defining moment—also at the age of fifteen. Encouraged by her creative writing teacher, Abbey wrote a short story to submit to the 2018 Tempe Community Writing Contest. Her story “Ladybug Princess” won first place in the high school fiction category and was published in Tempe Writers Forum V.4. I was so crazy proud of her I purchased over a dozen copies, sent out an email blast, and instructed my husband and son to have roses and chocolate cake waiting when we returned home from the awards ceremony.

Abbey’s been writing seriously since middle school and has been recognized for her talent by winning honorable mention in the Young Authors of Arizona Scholastic Writing Awards in both 2015 and 2016. While those achievements were awesome and inspiring, there’s nothing like winning first place and having your story appear in print.

She had the option of reading “Ladybug Princess” at the awards ceremony and bravely chose to do so. I sat in the front row, brimming with joy at my daughter’s accomplishment and also thankful that she has this victory to power her through what can sometimes be a difficult journey.

It takes grit and tenacity to be a writer. Those of you who are writers know what I’m talking about. It means facing rejection over and over. Losing your confidence and feeling, at times, very alone. Spending hundreds of hours crafting stories you never know if anyone else will read.

But experiencing the wonder of creating worlds and characters that otherwise would never have existed? The incomparable thrill of seeing your name in print for the first time? So worth it.

Read Abbey’s award-winning story here.

New Season, New Stories

Yesterday was officially the last day of summer, although for me summer ended six weeks ago when my kids returned to school. I miss having them home, and I miss long sleepy mornings and indulgent late nights filled with movie marathons, sprints to the 24-hour donut shop, and endless reading.

Now mornings begin with an alarm clock and evenings end with math homework and ten-minutes-till-lights-out warnings. But there are definite advantages to the school year: it’s easier to meet my writing goals, stick with a healthy diet, and schedule time to work out. I love walking my son to school every morning. And, of course, the weather eventually turns, like it did earlier this week.

Fall is here—jeans and sweaters, autumn-spiced candles, fresh-baked pies. Halloween displays in the grocery store and the return of cool evenings that melted away in June. Soon they will turn cold, and that’s fine too. There will be more movie marathons—first scary ones, and then Christmas ones. There will be more books. And there will be more writing.

Although I’ve been quiet on here, I have kept busy this year, drafting new short stories and essays and making pretty good progress on a maybe-novel (I’m calling it that until it reaches the 50,000-word mark—too often my novel ideas end up long short stories).

One of my new pieces, called “From Autumn to June,” was accepted at YARN magazine for publication next year. And one of my short essays, or maybe it’s more of a poem, was published this week in Mothers Always Write.

That piece, called “Sometime After Thirteen,” is a tribute to my now 15-year-old daughter; I read it aloud at a Mother’s Day reading in May with my daughter in attendance, and I was honored to have it appear in such a lovely magazine so that I could share it with you, too. I hope you read it, and I hope you all had a wonderful summer and are looking forward to fall as much as I am!

Some January/February Highlights

Image from Flickr by Jorge Jaramillo

It’s the last day of February in what was just a brand-new year—how did that happen? The past several weeks have been incredibly busy at the nursing facility where I work as we’re implementing an electronic health and medical records system. But I’ve managed to squeeze in plenty of writing, including a few blog posts that you’ll never read because I simply ran out of time to post them and now they’re outdated!

Anyway, I’m happy to say I have a new CP (critique partner), and we’ve been exchanging chapters for a few months. She’s made it all the way through my middle grade WIP and offered tons of great feedback, which I’ve been working through intensely. When you’re knee-deep in edits on a project, you often end up hating that project, and that pretty much sums up my feelings at this point. But with my CP’s encouragement and reassurance, I also feel like it’s close to being a good book and stands a chance. No matter what happens, I’m proud of writing it.

One of my goals for 2017 was to keep better track of my writing and submissions. I was genuinely shocked at how little I wrote toward new fiction last year, and how little I submitted. It’s very easy to deceive yourself about how much you’re writing when you’re constantly thinking about writing and surrounded by writers talking about writing. Now that I have a system in place, I can see the actual numbers. So far this year I’ve sent out 14 submissions, received 4 rejections and, most importantly, 1 acceptance! That piece, about siblings outgrowing each other, was published mid-month in a wonderful parenting magazine called Motherwell: You can read it here.

I’m no longer counting the hours and words I put into edits (that was last year’s mistake); in addition to those efforts it’s important to me to draft new material. Much of January was spent working on a new creative nonfiction piece called “Transient,” which was excruciating to write. It’s about something that happened in my childhood that’s memorable, not because it left a scar, but because it didn’t. While considering whether to commit this memory to paper, I did some research into those involved, and discovered something that both devastated me and inspired me to tell the story. The essay’s out on submission now, and I hope to share it with you someday soon.

Finally, I was recently invited by Superstition Review to create a podcast for their Authors Talk series, discussing the inspiration and creative process behind my short story “The Woman in Room 248.” I am so excited for this because it’s something I’ve never done before, and I have a few ideas for how to make it interesting/fun. My podcast is slated for March 28, so stay tuned!

A Good Way to End 2016

Honestly? This has not been a good year for me when it comes to publishing. Part of that is the majority of writing I did in 2015 is tied up in 2 unpublished books. One of the books is a collection of short stories, and I hadn’t been submitting the stories individually because for so long I only imagined them as a collection. That could still happen, but there’s no reason for me not to submit them to literary journals in the meantime, which I started doing this fall.

Numbers-wise, I only had three new publications this year, and I collected more rejections than I care to admit. Still, I believe in quality over quantity, and I’m proud of the pieces I did publish. One of them came out this month in Superstition Review, and you can read it here. “The Woman in Room 248” is the story of a young nursing student trying to reconcile her idealized vision of a dream career with the harsh reality of the job. Superstition Review is a tough journal to get into (this wasn’t my first time trying!) so I was thrilled to join their list of contributors. And I’m relieved that I could end 2016 on a positive note.

Hopefully 2017 will be a more fruitful year; I think it will be, now that I’m not stubbornly hoarding all my newer fiction in the hopes it will be released in the neat little package I’d envisioned. Sometimes dreams need to be let go, but more often they simply need to be re-imagined. I’m a dreamer at heart, so that’s no problem for me.

Sometime in the next few weeks I’ll post my 2016 end of year book survey. I read so much this year (57 books and counting!), and I can’t wait to share some of my favorites with you. Until then, Happy New Year, everyone!

This Really Is the Best of Phoenix

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I’ve felt so honored lately to have been part of two memorable projects. The first was as an assistant for this year’s Best of Phoenix, an annual issue published by Phoenix New Times that celebrates all that is great in the Valley of the Sun. It’s a huge project—the issue comprises several hundred categories, along with essays and as-told-to pieces, and my responsibilities included organizing copy, fact-checking the issue, and preparing lists and slideshows for the website.

Best of Phoenix has a different theme each year, and this year the theme was Border Town. We are a mere two hours from the border of Mexico, after all, a fact usually associated with scathing talk of separation and building walls. I can’t express how much it means to me, especially in a year like this one, to have contributed to a publication that embraces and pays tribute to the influences of Mexican culture in its city.

I’ve stayed silent online about the ugliness plaguing my country, not convinced that adding to the toxic mess on social media could possibly make a positive difference (and suspecting that fueling the fire would only make it worse). But inside, my heart has been hurting; too often these last several months I’ve felt hopeless, struggling to come to terms with the increasing awareness that we are surrounded by hatred, willful ignorance, and rampant racism. Thanks to social media, we know it’s in our families, our friends (or those we once considered friends), our co-workers—it is everywhere.

Anyway, you won’t find it here. Best of Phoenix was published last Thursday; if you’re local, hopefully you grabbed a copy, but you can always browse the issue online. There are wonderful essays, published in both Spanish and English, from gifted writers like Arizona’s inaugural poet laureate, Alberto Rios, and dozens and dozens of categories acknowledging, with pride, the best of Mexican culture in Phoenix.

The other project I’m excited to be a part of is Hospital Drive’s first anthology. Hospital Drive is the literary journal of the University of Virginia School of Medicine; they publish poetry, prose, and original art dealing with themes of health, illness, and healing. Four years ago this month, they accepted my short story “The Distance Ratio,” a semi-autobiographical piece about a single mother putting herself through nursing school by working at a job that is painful to her, and how she tries to cope with the pain.

Last January, Hospital Drive’s managing editor emailed, explaining that they were putting together their first print edition, a collection of what they considered their best work since the journal’s founding in 2007. They wanted to include “The Distance Ratio.” This week, I received my copies.

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The anthology can be read online here; however, the print edition is only $5, and it’s so much nicer having a physical copy. The pages are filled with incredible artwork, moving poetry, and half a dozen works of prose from thoughtful and talented writers. It’s truly an honor to be among them.

Click here to purchase a print copy of Hospital Drive’s first anthology, and help support a literary magazine. You’ll receive several hours’ worth of great reading and a year’s worth of good karma. Really.

On Empty Journals

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Early in grade school, a concerned teacher notified my mother of a problem I had with communication. This problem, the teacher warned, would need to be corrected or I’d continue having great difficulty making myself understood.

The issue wasn’t crippling shyness or dyslexia or a speech impediment.

The issue was my handwriting. I had terrible handwriting.

I practiced as ordered, struggling to compose words as pretty as the other girls’, who wrote with perfect slants and even letters, daring loops and adorable quirks, dotting their i’s with hearts or little bubbles, pinning their confidence onto the page with flourish.

Maybe I tried too hard, or maybe I was in such a rush to express myself in written words the words tumbled out too fast, spilling into each other and rising and falling to the rhythm of my thoughts.

Maybe the problem is the way I hold my pencil, which I realized only as an adult was different from the way most people hold theirs (not resting lightly between my index finger and thumb but squeezed between thumb and ring finger, my hand pulled nearly into a fist).

Despite all efforts to improve my penmanship, it honestly remains deplorable. Sometimes even I have a hard time reading it. Anything I write that looks pretty on paper looks that way because I wrote it twice, the original version crumpled up and tossed away.

Maybe this is why I have so many blank journals.

Because aren’t journals wonderful? I suppose it’s ironic that I could happily spend hours lingering in the part of the bookstore that sells books with blank pages. But I love the promise of those pages–smooth bare sheets waiting to be filled with thoughts, ideas, memories, and stories. That’s always my intention, of course. To fill them in, to stamp their unbroken surface as merrily as a child stamps through a surface of unbroken snow.

Most of the time I can’t bring myself to do it. When it’s time to put my thoughts to paper, I might reach for one of those tempting journals on my bookshelf, the ones I couldn’t help but slip into my shopping basket while out buying birthday presents or school supplies. I might even pull one off the bookshelf, flip carefully through it, imagine pressing a pen to one stone-white page and filling it with my scrawled and uneven script.

Inevitably I put it back, choosing instead a yellow legal pad or a plain old spiral notebook. And I suppose that’s fine—what matters is that the writing happens.

Still, there’s something wistful about those beautiful journals on my bookshelf that remain unmarred, their spines unbroken, their pages still smooth and smelling of new paper, and of promise.

Perfect, and perfectly empty.

 

Write With Joy

Image from Flickr by dillypopdotcom

Image from Flickr by dillypopdotcom

In his essay collection Zen in the Art of Writing, Ray Bradbury talks about writing his classic dystopian novel Fahrenheit 451. Distracted by his daughters at home (“Father had to choose between finishing a story or playing with the girls. I chose to play, of course, which endangered the family income”), he began visiting the university library to write.

At the time it cost a dime for every half hour to rent one of the typewriters, so he’d write like mad trying to cram words in. It cost him a total of $9.80—all in dimes—to complete the first draft, which he did in nine days.

I thought that was a pretty great story. I can picture the young father, desperate to make the most of his limited writing time, hunched over an Underwood in the basement of a university library, furiously pounding away at the keys. The end product turned out pretty well, wouldn’t you agree?

Bradbury was a big advocate for writing every day, and for having fun while doing it. He insisted we should write with joy:

If you are writing without zest, without gusto, without love, without fun, you are only half a writer. It means you are so busy keeping one eye on the commercial market, or one ear peeled for the avant-garde coterie, that you are not being yourself. You don’t even know yourself. For the first thing a writer should be is—excited. He should be a thing of fevers and enthusiasms.

I’ve written with joy, with love, and with gusto. I’ve also written with self-doubt, with despair, and with dread. I always felt like a whole writer, but it’s true that if you’re writing your story for anyone else besides yourself, you’re not really being you.

Not every writing project will be fun, but it should at least be exciting. Sometimes I get excited about an idea but then overthink it and lose that joy. I used to believe it was the actual writing I found laborious, the way Dorothy Parker described it when she said she hated writing but loved having written. But no—for me the frustration is not writing, but not writing, which inevitably happens when I’m overthinking.

Which would not be a problem, I’m sure, if I had to pay for the privilege of typing out my words. I guess with inflation that dime Ray Bradbury paid for every half hour of typing Fahrenheit 451 would be, today, about a dollar. And I imagine if it cost me two dollars an hour to write, I’d write a lot faster. Maybe I could even draft an entire novel in nine days.

Okay, probably not. But I’m sure I’d have more fun doing it.

Writers are writers whether they choose to write with misery or with joy; I’d much rather choose joy. And Ray Bradbury had the perfect advice for how to do that, summed up in two little words he kept on a sign by his own typewriter for decades:

“Don’t think.”

Abigail Wins an Honorable Mention in the 2016 YAA Scholastic Writing Awards

Abigail at the 2016 Young Authors of Arizona awards ceremony in Scottsdale

I mentioned last month that I was looking forward to sharing some wonderful and inspiring writerly news from a very special family member.

Well, here she is! For the second consecutive year, my daughter Abigail has won an honorable mention in the Young Authors of Arizona Scholastic Writing Awards. We attended a lovely ceremony and reception on Saturday at Desert Mountain High School, and I was so proud watching Abbey cross the stage and collect her award. It takes courage to share your writing, something I know most of you who read this blog can appreciate.

Crossing the stage at Desert Mountain High School in Scottsdale

Crossing the stage at Desert Mountain High School

Abbey and her best friend, Grace

Abbey and her best friend, Grace

We learned about Young Authors of Arizona through Lisa Jones, the language arts teacher at Abbey’s middle school. Abbey adores Mrs. Jones—I think all of the students do. She was recently honored herself, as a finalist for the Tempe Diablos Excellence in Education Awards, in the category of Inspiration.

Not only does Mrs. Jones inspire her students to create, she encourages them to submit their work. Last year she helped them register and enter their writing in the Scholastic Writing Awards, and she looked every bit as proud of Abbey as I felt when we met in Glendale for the awards ceremony.

Abigail and Mrs. Jones at last year's YAA awards ceremony

Abigail and Mrs. Jones at last year’s YAA awards ceremony

This year, the coordinator for ASPIRE Academy also came to the ceremony. Dr. Taylor is another teacher who’s been incredibly supportive of Abbey and her artistic dreams. She graduates middle school next month, and although she’s excited for high school, she is going to miss these amazing teachers who have encouraged her and cheered her on for the last three years.

Abbey with Dr. Gerald Taylor, coordinator for ASPIRE Academy at Connolly Middle School

Abigail with Dr. Gerald Taylor, coordinator for ASPIRE Academy

Congratulations, Abbey! You’ve always been an inspiration to me.